What is Tantric Edging?
Is it candles, incense and hand jobs?
While there is absolutely nothing wrong with a good ole rub & tug ~ that usually focuses on the ending or orgasm and not the full journey from start to finish. It is in the middle where you can find ecstasy and bliss!
Tantric edging is finding your partner's edge and encouraging him to stay at that peak while having him breath in that energy and help him visualize it leaving his pelvic region and radiating to all parts of his body.
Porn often shows edging as a ‘ruined’ orgasm or shows that the individual never reaches orgasm ~ That is NOT our intention…
We want to encourage our lover to stay in that vibration of ecstasy giving him a more satisfying full body experience once he is ready to release. These techniques can also be the starting point for orgasming without ejaculation or becoming multi orgasmic - the possibilities are endless!!
If you are exploring this with an intimate partner, trust is paramount, and a lot of communication is needed when discovering his edge. There may be mishaps along the way! It may not always turn out the way that you both think it should… and that is OK!
Letting go of expectations and learning his body can be fulfilling and uplifting, we don’t want any negative feelings coming into it. If overwhelming feelings start to come into the session, it is best to stop and find out the root cause of the feeling. Try to look beyond the feelings to what needs are being met/unmet.
- Does he feel too vulnerable?
- Does he feel he let you down, if he couldn’t edge long enough?
- Does he feel that he should be reciprocating?
As women, we can easily relate to feelings of how the world perceives us. Remember, it is no different for men. Hold that thought tenderly in your heart, as without trust and vulnerability it is harder to reach those peaks of ecstasy!
Many questions can come up un-announced, but knowing ahead of time that feelings will pop up in this vulnerable state, you can better support your partner in exploring these waters.
The Path to Pleasure
Remind your partner they are there to receive pleasure and that can look many different ways. There are no expectations on them: they don’t need to perform or do anything except being open to touch that they find pleasurable. If there is something you try and they don’t find it enjoyable, then they are free to share that with you without fear of the session ending .They do not need to last a long time, have an orgasm or to reciprocate touch.
If you are a sensual practitioner, all the above comes into play and more!
They may be coming to you as a first time experience, open to exploring tantric edging so setting the environment up as a judgement free zone is paramount! Letting them know this sacred space is just for them helps set the tone for a magical experience! I have shared in these experiences and am always reminded how special they are! Most of my clients share with me that they have never experienced that sensation before and I am honoured to be able to be part of that with them.
I spend more time at the beginning of a session describing what tantric edging means to me and what it may mean to them. It is good to check in to see if you are on the same page. Defining terms sure helps keep the misunderstandings down!
I want to be able to set them up for success!
I use a percentage to orgasm ratio. I encourage them to tell me when they are at 50%, especially when they have never tried this before. So they get used to how their body is feeling on the journey to orgasm. Once they know that they can share with me how their body is feeling without any negatives attached to it, they are more likely to be able to share with me more clearly where they are, so we can slow down if needed, change the stroke or to hold and breathe.
Setting the Scene
Creating a sensual space is one of the first things a client will notice. We want them to step out of their regular lives into a space that is rejuvenating, calming and relaxing as well as being a space accepting of raw sexuality and sensuality. If you have taken my other course there are some great ideas around creating a sensual space.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself about your space to see if it is reflective of what you are trying to create.
- Is it free from clutter and why is this important? You want them to be able to fully relax and step out of their ordinary lives. Please don’t leave dishes in your sink! You don't want them to have to step through your ordinary life to find that sensual space. We want them to leave their ordinary life at the door.
- If you have an over-full bookshelf it may take away from your space, a drape can do wonders in helping transform your space.
- Is the music and lighting working with you or is it jarring to the sensual experience? You want the music and lighting to enhance your space, not take over the space.
- Is your space free from unintentional breaks in the vibration? Phone, text or notification noise can pull the both of you out of your sensual head space. Remind your partner/client to check their phones too.
- Do you have pets or roommates that might interrupt your session?
- Will open windows bring the outside world into your studio?
These are great things to think about and fix before they happen!
Helping your partner to Relax and Receive (R&R)
I usually start a full body sensual massage with the client on their stomach. I place one of my hands at the bottom of their back and one between their shoulder blades. We start with deep breaths, all the way in, right down to the base of their being and slowly release through the mouth. Slow shakes or rocks of their pelvic area helps dispel any nervousness they may have, relaxing them and in turn be more open to your touch.
If you are using tantric edging as foreplay or as the focal point of your time together then start them on their back with your hands positioned the same way. Taking deep breaths together helps build intimacy and connection. I encourage it throughout the whole session!
Relaxing and receiving is not as easy as it may seem! I find I have to remind my clients that this is all about them, they may get distracted and want to know more about my pleasures. I steer them back to a position of relaxing and receiving through the act of breathing and stillness, reminding them to focus on my touch and be open to accepting my touch fully! Once back into the relaxing and receiving mindset their bodies will be more attuned to my touch!
Give them permission to be in charge of their own pleasure, taking responsibility for asking for what feels good and to not endure touch that is not pleasurable for them. Support your partner/client by breathing with them and letting out gentle sighs if that seems right to you at that time. Let your authenticity be your guide.
Holding Cock & Heart
All through the tantric edging session I will take the time to place one of my hands on their cock and the other on their heart creating a full circuit and envision myself as a conduit between their heart and their cock How exhilarating!! Visualize your healing energy from your heart and hands through his cock and heart! Encouraging their breath and breathing with them builds trust. They feel more relaxed and connected to me and this is where intimacy and vulnerability can thrive.
When I reposition my hand for any reason I will push/guide my hand moving that energy upwards to their heart, connecting them fully. I want them to visualize the energy leaving their cock and moving throughout their body. I will encourage deep breathing so they can draw up their sensual energies and have it radiate it to all parts of their body. Some of my clients have shared with me that they can feel the energy shooting from their fingers or toes and their orgasm is no longer confined to their pelvic area. Which is truly divine!
I like to use warm coconut oil as a lubricant and there are many different ideas as to how much you should use. Some say that you should use just enough for a glide but not too much that you lose the friction aspect. For me, the more the better!
... Just not all at once.
I like to apply the warm oils throughout the session, using the warmth of the oil as part of the sensations, sometimes holding the cock and pouring the oils right onto it. Pleasant reactions!! I bring my oils up to my preferred temperature on the stovetop and then use a warmer to keep it at the right temperature throughout the session. I go into more detail in my other course Professional Sensual Massage.
For a more intimate connection use eye gazing and coordination of the breath which can intensify the connection while harmonizing the energies between you and your lover/client.
Secret Tantric Moves
If this is not part of a full body sensual massage then it is a good idea to spend a few minutes massaging his body, or rocking his body to wake up his body to receive pleasure. While these moves are incorporated into most of my tantric edging sessions, there is no one move that follows or precedes another. Have fun and don’t think of this as a checklist you must get through! While you are going through these moves remember to be creative and to have fun! Light fingernails across the skin is a delicious sensation! On the shaft, the tip, the balls or up the stomach! Add it in, wherever you think it will be an added sensation.
If none of these moves strike you, use them at the beginning until you feel more comfortable going ‘off script’ You will find your own rhythms and favourite strokes!
Take Your Hand Job to the Next Level!
Raising His Erotic Energy
Most men will want to orgasm at the end of the session. If they can orgasm easily then you can intensify your attention to the edging and bring them to their peak. Since you have been raising their energies during the whole session this may be easier than both of you think. If you see their body tensing up to orgasm, encourage them to try to relax their legs and breathe, breathe, breathe! I find this helps with the overall sensations and with the edging becoming more of a full body experience.
If your partner/client does not want to edge to completion, slow down the strokes and visualize bringing that energy outwards from the cock while increasing the longer body strokes. This can be a pleasant way to end the session. Slowing down and ending with your hands on their heart and cock, or in a loving embrace is a great way to finish a session.
If your partner/client doesn't ejaculate easily, then suggest to him to let go of that goal at this time. You have been relaxing and spreading his energies all through his body, don’t let him get caught up in the urgency or tension that could prevent him from releasing. If you have over stimulated them, sometimes that prevents the release from happening. When this happens, I stop and reconnect with them, most times they are able to complete but sometimes that doesn’t happen.
The Secret to a Mind-Blowing Edging Session
Now that I have shared with you some tips and techniques to tantric edging the secret to a mind-blowing session is you! Be mindful in your touch, grounding yourself in your breath and relish in your sensuality and sexuality. Grasping that cock in your hand with confidence will have them wanting more!
I hope you have enjoyed this tantric edging course and I trust that your next sensual evening will be one of connections, pleasures and erotic bliss xo